AHH stupid type pad is so stupid. It ate MY POST! And I hate re-writing things. Sorry folks.
Soo cycle day 18 today…that’s not too early to test right?
I didn’t sleep last night. I finished a book that left my mind spinning. I was thinking of all the things that could happen with the soon to be adoption. I was getting worried, would I be good enough? What if I cannot provide them with all they need? What if I am not a good enough mom?
I remembered the book mentioning I need to be strong for my kids, make sure they know I have the confidence in my skills to be what they need. So I tried to think about the skills I have, and the tools I have to make our home the best home for these children.
And then I worried that these skills would not be enough, that maybe I was being too cocky thinking that I can do all this!
But then the love I have for these kids hit me. Kids I don’t know, I have never seen, I have never heard, but I love them unconditional already. Remembering that encouraged me, energized me and helped chase the fears away.
It’s cheesy and cliché and romanticized, but sometimes, all you need is love!
Then I read this chapter and realized the importance of believing in me, in my skills and in my desire to be a mother to these children:
#18 “I am worried I will be too much to handle.” Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.
If your heart broke a little just reading that, then we are in the same boat. I hate that we live in a world where children have these thoughts. This is not something a child should be worrying about, they should be worrying about whether those monkey bars are a little to high for them still, or what bubble gum flavor to choose this time. Not wondering whether they are too much to deal with.
The book mentions a little story, A baby bunny tells his mom that he is running away. The mommy bunny says ok I will follow you. The baby says that he will turn into a fish and swim away. The mommy bunny says then I will get on my fishing gear and fish for you, The baby bunny goes on to say all different kinds of ways he will run away, the mommy bunny always has a solution to find him. Finally the baby bunny says he might as well just stay here then.
What parents can do is, again, always be there ready to listen. Even when they are acting out because they are scared and don’t want to let you in, you have to be there, ready to hug, to cry with, to love. It is not going to be easy, but is being a parent ever easy?
Precious one/s, you ARE NOT too much to handle. You are you, beautiful amazing you. Even when you are scared, hurt, angry or upset you are not too much to handle. You are a joy, a blessing, my child/ren. Forever. I will follow you when you run away, I will make sure you know I am always here, why? Because I love you far too much.