1. When I went to fill my script for Clomid at my pharmacy, my normal, wonderful, pharmacist was not there. Instead a woman around 35-40 was working. She happily came over to help me. I asked for my Clomid prescription and she smiled. "Have you cycled yet?" I happily reported that I was on day 2 and that this was our 5th time on Clomid, I jokingly said that I was now the Clomid master. She replied "I have 2 Clomid babies, 150mg mind you, but it worked for me!" I smile, managing to stay calm, "oh that is excellent, we are doing IUI's with the Clomid, we are hoping for the best!" She then goes on to tell me that with her first husband she was so stressed and did not ovulate, therefore why the Clomid was needed. But then with her second husband, her "inner dragon" (yes actual words used) was released as she got pregnant naturally 2 more times with him! "Oh that is wonderful for you I reply." Totally not burning with jealously, really I was fine. Then she leans over the counter real close to me and whispers "And we just found out we are expecting our 5th!" She hands me my script, I give her the CONGRATS she was waiting for and head toward the aisle with kitchen knives to stab myself. NO I didn't, I walked away smiling to myself. I was fine.
2. Walking to work this morning I ran into my old physiotherapist. I saw him for over a year, during all my knee surgeries. Every visit I had to get this electro shock thing done to my knee, you can't be pregnant to have this therapy. So I ended up having to tell him our fertility challenges and how we were trying. So every visit, the first question was "So are you pregnant yet?" Of course I never was. He and his wife were not trying when I started with him. At the end of the year they had began trying. My next visit, also one of the last visits as he was leaving to start his own company, he told me they were expecting. I was jealous then. This morning I ran into him and his new baby. I was so happy for them, I ooed and ahhed over the little bald head and got many giggles from him. We talked about our adoption plans, infertility treatments and how his wife’s labor went. It was great talking to him, and I was so genuinely excited for them that I began to plan the baby card I would send him as soon as we were done talking. I was fine.
3. There are rumors about, and some friends who are pregnant or trying for their second babies. Their firsts were conceived close to when we started trying. This kind of news I imagined would throw me into a panic attack, screaming and cursing the heavens for my lackage of baby. But now hearing this news, my heart fills with gladness for these friends, cause they deserve to expand their families, and I wish them all the success in the world with their seconds. I'm fine.
It's funny how we change, and I am sure once the Clomid kicks in these feelings of love and happiness will turn into rage and loathing, but until then I can be happy for these people, and happy for me. I may not have a baby or child yet, but I can stay out all night partying it up! I can travel and not worry about child arrangements. I can do spontaneous activities! I can spend money on shoes! I can eat out and sleep in!
I would give it all up in a second though, but right now, today, I will bask in my childlessness! Cause dudes I am feeling like the golden barren one or something. I want to prance around with fertility statues hanging from my arms letting the world know that “Yes I may not be able to conceive, but I WILL HAVE CHILDREN and I am fine.”
Who wants to join me?
PS: Did you notice my new little timelines on the sidebar! More celebrating of how long all this wonderful crap has been happening! Joyous! PSS: No I have not been doing my Wii Fit, so STOP HARASSING ME FOR FREAKS SAKE. I am avoiding it cause Wii Fit board is going to run me over the coals!
PS: Did you notice my new little timelines on the sidebar! More celebrating of how long all this wonderful crap has been happening! Joyous!
PSS: No I have not been doing my Wii Fit, so STOP HARASSING ME FOR FREAKS SAKE. I am avoiding it cause Wii Fit board is going to run me over the coals!