alicia

Somebody Else's Daughter

Noo I am not talking about Twinkle, relax.

I was asked to be apart of a book tour! Basically a bunch of people read a book and then do a review of it on their blogs. I was asked to do this review because she believed my blog to be a great fit for the book.

The book is Somebody Else's Daughter, by Elizabeth Brundage. Click here for an excerpt.

Let me start off this review by letting you know my assumption. I assumed because of the title and the little I had heard about the book, that I was asked to be apart of this tour because of Keith's and my adoption journey. The book had a little adoption involvement, although the family that adopted the baby in this book made all their money through the porn industry, they obviously had a more lenient social worker then us! But really the book had little to do with adoption. Which was a little disappointing, but maybe because it was what I was expecting.

I am actually involved in a book club with a few friends. I have mentioned to you my love of  books before, but what was so annoying is that you would read this book and have no one to talk to about it! So when a bunch of girl friends started a book club, I was all for it! I got them to give me a few sentences of their opinions on the book before I gave mine, as we all read this one for our November selection.

Carmen: It was highly disturbing, I don't think I would have continued reading it if not for this book club. I don't think I could recommend it to someone else.

Erin: It's a look into the effed up lives of people in a small town. I found myself often saying "What the hell?" I liked how she used unique parallels in the characters lives.

Tina: Didn't dislike it, but don't know if I would recommend it. As soon as I read a review on it saying it was more a psychological thriller it made way more sense and as a psychological thriller it was well written.

In my opinion this book was not that disturbing. I have read some pretty messed up literature in my time, but it is the kind of story I am drawn to. I will admit that the description of sex, the profanity and twists in this book were surprising, but I thought they were well placed and needed elements of this story. (Lets not forget I do have a secret stash of vampire sex novels that I am addicted too, so this was pretty tame in comparison!)

What I really loved about this book was the discussion of feminism throughout it. It really challenged my views on this topic and had me thinking about my own beliefs often. I also thought the author had great insight into marriage. The characters in this book all have pretty messed up lives, that would be hard to compare a normal marriage to, but the idea of how important communication is in a marriage, and how when a couple stops talking things fail apart seemed really relevant to me in this novel. She also is very in tuned with teenagers. Being one once myself (although not like the ones in this book!) and having worked with many similar to the story's characters, I really think she grasped what teenagers go through, and how they think.

The book basically is about the lives of many characters living in a small town. There is a small adoption thread through the novel, but it is not the main topic. It is a hard book to sum up actually. But I found it intriguing and interesting. One reason I love books is because they take you out of your normal life and throw you into the mist of someone elses journey. The journey this book takes you on is defiantly not normal, but I don't want to read about normal lives? That's boring!

I would only be able to recommend this book to you if I knew you, and knew the type of books you are into. If you cannot stand profanity, this is not for you. If the description of sex, the porn industry and other graphic details bother you, then I would stay away. But if you like stories with twists, turns and a true escape from the norm of life, then I would give this one a shot. Its a book you will not forget!

So if you've read it, what did you think? If not what kind of topics or stories turn you away from reading them?

PS Don't forget about the BIGGEST SHOE THING EVER CONTEST!!! I need more shoes please!!!

Blah blah blah

I think the voting should have been done on the diapers and not the shoes! More people were interested in that post this weekend then the shoe post! Ha ha.

But for the few of you that voted GOLD STAR! And dear Raggedy Ann you are this weeks winner! Congrats!!! Please send me a picture of your favorite fab shoes, or a pair that you fantasize about :)

I shopped for the chunks this weekend. No luck. I found a few chunky pairs, but all of them pinched or rubbed or sucked. I also tried to buy a new mitt and toque set, nothing inspired me and no set sparked any chemistry. I did buy a pair of wicked cool maternity sweat pants. Not because I need them or anything, cause my belly is now officially shrinking and the weight lose is still occurring. I am starting to freak out a little bit about this. The OB's will be called.

Ironically the universe decided to laugh at me this morning. As I do not have a pair of winter boots yet, or a pair of winter work appropriate boots, or any proper outwear like coat, mittens, hat etc. So the world decided to through a bit of freezing rain/snow in some parts on our little city. Our car took 10 minutes to scrap. The stairs of death had a wonderful layer of ice coating them. I froze and I unsafely trekked to work in my mesh running shoes, which left my feet tiny icicles.

So shopping needs to be done ASAP, I am betting nothing will be accomplished until the weekend though, cause I just am lame like that.

Speaking of me being lame, no I did not post yesterday, it was Thanksgiving, so I had to sleep in and watch football, just like the pioneers of old. Also because it was thanksgiving, I am severely behind on my google reader! Be patient please! I will read them all, soon...I will try.

Ohh if your curious pregnancy books are RETARDED! Yes I have crossed into a new dimension, the second trimester! YAY! And according to the books I should be running in circles with all my boundless energy and feeling all sorts of betterness....I threw up twice this morning and barely made it to the office. NO NOT FEELING BETTER! NO NOT IN MATERNITY CLOTHES YET! NO HAVE NOT GAINED 3 LBS YET! So stop harassing me pregnancy book, or I will burn you!! scared??

Escape

I have been told a few times, by various people, that I am always so positive, so optimistic. I don't really know if this is true, if you lived in my head for a day you might not think so. But I was thinking, what would make people say this to me? How could I, me! be positive, when there is so much stress going on in my life?

I was thinking about this, when my song came on, you know THAT song. Everyone has one, I have a few, but right now there is a specific one. I turned up the volume until I could not hear my thoughts. I let the notes wash over me and through me, and like a sponge I soaked in the harmonies, the instruments, the lyrics. I let myself drift away and just breathe the music in. Once the song was finished I hit repeat and kept turning it up louder when I adjusted to the noise level. Every thought, every worry, every concern disappeared because I was lifted out of myself and left to only the song. I escaped.

And that’s when it hit me. The reason I can be positive, the explanation of why I may seem optimistic to some is that I have escapes. Music is not the only one.

When I pick up a book it does not take long until I am absorbed by it. I no longer have a sense of presence, I do not feel like I am sitting on my couch, I do not even know I exist, because I become the story. The words gently stroke my mind until I am lifted away from myself and I no longer read words, but the words play themselves out into a reality that I enter. I walk the paths of the characters, I feel their emotions, and I cry their tears. Books, like no other tool, have the ability to completely separate me from my own existence. They get to the point of being dangerous for me, because when I have to stop reading I have to take time and remember which person I am. I am no longer that person in the story, but me, in my normal world.

I also have art. I gather my supplies, my tools and I start envisioning. I see the pieces in front of me, but soon I no longer see the individual pieces but how together they can create something new, something beautiful, something tangible and yet surreal. I focus on this vision, I lose myself to this idea and I no longer control my hands, but let the artistic juices surge through my body until it starts to create. It is a glorious process of how a plan piece of paper, an empty page on a sketchpad, a blank card can transform into a little masterpiece. I am taken away from the world of stress and gloom that I know and am plunged into this place of color, light, texture and shadow until the piece is done. Sometimes I could not even describe to you how it was created, as I barely have a memory of it. I just hold onto my escape and marvel at it, and am filled with a true sense of pride.

I started to think of all the escapes I have, like food, how new exciting food involves all my senses and can bring me to a new experience away from my norm. Or hiking, how the scenery of the mountains, hills, plains can steal away my breathe. Or a moment of encounter with God, they are rare these days, but when they happen you forget how to speak, to move and to breathe and the world around you crumbles away as you realize the only thing that matters. Or a belly of a cat, or a movie to be lost in, or a afternoon of cuddles with my husband. I am lucky to have so many of these escapes.

I started thinking that maybe these escapes are not healthy, that leaving life, what it truly is, to be whisked away to new places, heights and realities is running away. It is not how life should be lived. So I began to think of life without my escapes, what it would look like, how it would feel. Right now, without these things, there would not be a lot of smiles and laughter. I would be overcome with my constant need to control, worry and stress. I would be lost in my sadness and it is easy for me to see why people would swallow a bottle of Tylenol.

I am called optimistic because I am able to escape often and so easily. So I can leave my need of control, my stress, my worry, I can take a break and then return with refreshing new attitude. A renewed sense of my life, and myself and I am able to smile during the storm, I am able to laugh amongst the suffering and I am able to love when I feel clouded by hate.

I notice myself reaching out and seeking these tools a lot this week. Possibly because I have now scheduled my second IUI procedure for the week of the 21st. A procedure I am conflicted about, because I so long for the experience of pregnancy, but I know there are children, my wonderful children who will spent more time apart from me if I carry a child. I am desperately trying to leave this in Gods hands. What comes first is meant to be. A control freak giving up control is not an easy thing, and usually fails. I worry about everything that could happen between now and then. Then. What is then? It's everything I suppose.

Then is not really worth worrying about is it? So I think I will escape.   

Show and tell 3

Do you want to know what I packed??

Every outfit you can imagine, from the glamorous to the sporty. I pretty much managed to squeeze my whole closet into one giant suitcase. GIANT. But I will be well prepared with many wardrobe options, which is essential to any trip. I also have another suitcase. It is loaded with only SHOES! I took 12 pairs. I am not even pulling your leg. I cannot live with out them. And I seriously had a pang of guilt leaving my others behind. They were all like, “why can't we go to

Alaska

?? Huh not important enough to you. Fine then, watch us give you wicked blisters and swollen feet. Oh right we already do that.”

Show and tell 3...is.....

My dirty little secret, called the Anita Blake series by Laurel K Hamilton. Do you see how these books are hidden in a row behind other books? Ya, cause if someone was visiting and for some reason decided to start flipping through one of my books and read these, well they would probably be embarrassed about getting turned on in my living room, cause YO these books are hot.

They are about vampires and vampire slayers and necromancers and shapeshifters and I SO WANT THEM TO BE REAL and if I could choose I would be a vampire slayer. My desire for being a stripper comes from these babies. There is a lot of crazy vampire sex involved. They are quite awesome, and I am totally addicted.

And now you know my little secret, my dirty little book collection. Yes you can borrow them! I will start a little sign out system like the library, cause they are just that good.

I bet right now I am sitting beside a pool, with a array of food beside me, reading a book, sadly not one of these, cause I have read them all, but one about adoption, or Edgar Allan Poe or something like that. JEALOUS?

S.H.O.E.S.

You missed them! I know you did! Hand bag month was oh so fun (even though last Friday I so didn't post a pic of my bag, can we blame it on pregnancy brain yet, or is it to early...and hopeful?).

So now I give you SHOES!

First off, because of all the new additions to my shoe family, a new shoe system had to be created. This is the hanging tower of shoeness. So Instead of the classic shoe of honor shelf, Friday picture, I will now be using the stool that I used for the handbags. Things just look so cute on that stool.

THIS WEEK'S SHOES!

I know I know, I can't believe these are all mine! How did I ever get this lucky? For your enjoyment I have done a close up on each pair, because you are worth it!

These are one of the pairs Keith's grandma gave to me. They are probably 30-40 years old and they have never been worn!! The heels and bottoms don't have a scoff on them. Don’t they just scream antique/modern to you!

Scrunchies! I call these scrunchies, cause I just love the way the fabric all gathers up at the toes and then the wicked buckle is all pulling it together. They have a cute little kitten heel! And polka dot insides. I got these at a consignment store last Sunday.

My sister wants to kill cause these babies fit me and not her :( Another consignment find. They speak of professionalism, sophistication and just plain gorgeousness!

And of course, my forever classics. My snake skin beauties. I got these from a consignment store a while ago, the ones above are from the same store. If I haven't mentioned the history on these (which I think I have but oh well) these retail at $400, I snagged them for $72! SOOOO comfy, the best heels I have ever worn.

This is one of Andy Warhol's paintings. What a genius man.

I am picking up the rest of Keith's grandma’s shoes this weekend. They are all being repaired and beautified! Tune in next week for a view of these antique wonders.

In other shoe related news and also art news, my drawing is complete! Check out this post for a view of the art piece last week.

Please notice how totally ME this piece is, ok not the freakin skinny model girl, but the shoes hanging from the trees! And the shopping bags and the SHOES!

I am quite pleased with her turn out. I think I have found my grove, my style, my artistic preference...classic figure drawing with modern backgrounds. The three hours in class FLEW by. I was so into this piece that when people started packing up I was just astounded that it was already 9!

So I am planning on doing more of these, maybe making a whole series of them. Obviously these are copied from magazines, but soon I will work on my own creations!

Unfortunately the shoe news ends here. Unless you can come up with a creative shoe idea for these guys?

Do you see how big they have gotten! That’s their mom in the background! They are almost as big as her!! And they are losing their yellow fluff! It's turning to grey, but ohh my goodness they are still so cute.

Speaking of cute, my soon to be little one/s, this is the last chapter in the book! I thank you all so much for reading along with me. I believe I have learnt a lot and feel much more prepared for this journey. I hope this book provided for you some enlightenment on adoption too and now you can all remind me of the lessons here when I am pulling out my hair cause these kids are driving me crazy! Right? You will be here for me right? PLEASE tell me you'll be here!?!

#20 "Even if I decide to search for my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents." Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.

This will be a hard time on everyone. The child has dreamed and imagined their birth parents for so long, now they are ready to search for them. They are excited, but also facing their biggest fear, being rejected again.

Adoptive parents are thinking, what if he loves them more? What if he doesn't need me anymore? How can we make this situation work where I have to share him? Adoptive parents are scared, jealous and hurt.

Birth parents may have been thinking about the child they gave up since they left, or they may have not thought about them at all. This contact could be one of joy and relationship, or one of anxiety and further disconnection.

As tough as this time will be for all involved, it most likely will happen. The child will need closure, they will want to know more information and they will want their questions answered.

It's important for parents to realize that this search does not mean they love you less, that they will stop thinking of you as parents, or that they will want nothing more to do with you. It is just a process they have to go through to close the circle, the hole in their heart and parents need to support this.

Parents need to get over their issues around this, by talking to a therapist or friend. Then they need to talk to their child and tell them that you will support them. And that you don't want them to not search cause they are worried about hurting your feelings. Let them know that you are strong and ready to help them get through all this.

Often once a reunion is had, whether it goes good or bad, relationships between child and adoptive parents strengthen. By supporting them in there endeavor it shows the ultimate trust and support. They will feel more connected to you and you will grow deeper in a relationship together.

One doctor put it this way "A real mother is one who recognizes and respects the whole identity of her child and does not ask him to deny any apart of himself." So accessing his world, being sensitive to his needs and validating his emotions! I think this book has taught me that.

KIDDIES!! What an exciting time. You are going to experience the greatest adventure of your life, searching and meeting with your birth parents. I want you to know I understand why you need to do this, and please do not let your worries about hurting your dad and me get in the way of this great quest. I do not know what the outcome of this quest will be. I will prepare you for both outcomes, but more importantly I will be waiting for your return with open arms, a shoulder to cry on and a smile to laugh with. I know this search does not mean you love me less, and KNOW dear one/s this search does not mean I love you any less. You are my angels, my joy and my life, nothing you could do would take my love away. I have learned a lot from this book, and I hope it has prepared me to be a great mom to you. I am sorry for the mistakes I will make, please know that everything I do, I do it because I love you. MOM.

Tasks from the 2 week wait

BEFORE the 2 week wait....

AFTER the 2 week wait

I love to eat here. But we don't, cause its WAY to pretty to mess up. And eating in front of the TV is more modern you know, and that is so what we are, modern people.

Yes I made those. No I did not paint them like I told you all I was going to do. See I was in this Starbucks once (ONCE! Ha, more like twice a day) and I saw that they had framed pieces of fabric! I thought that was brilliant and easy, and I am lazy, because it's modern to be lazy. So I picked 3 awesome fabrics, which were the MOST expensive in the store, and I picked up 3 IKEA frames that were so cheap and I could not figure out why.... Because you had to attach the wire thingy that they hang from yourself. So I did, without measuring and just hoping that these would all line up in the end.

They didn't. Luckily, Keith and all his amazing photo hanging skill, mangled with the wires until the paintings hung all perfectly in a line. What would I do with out him? I would say that they were meant to be crooked, cause you know, that is soo modern.

So what do you think? I am pretty happy with it all! Here's the rest of the kitchen if you are a visitor from NaComLeavMo and HERE is the whole house if you are just so in love with my modern style you NEED to view it all!

 

#19 "When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me and respond wisely." Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.

I can totally understand how many adoptive parents would get trapped into this one. Adopted parents are constantly trying to remember their child's special needs and how to encourage them, love them and support them, that when it comes to discipline it may be hard to follow through.

Instead of discipline excuses are made and kids learn to walk all over their families and rebel, and also learn that their parents are not strong enough to take care of me and they build walls to keep you out.

Working with autistic kids, I know the value and need of natural consequences. Children with special needs, autism, FASD, ADD, etc really need structure and consistency. Adopted kids might not all have these issues, the ones Keith and I are adopting will. I know what making excuses, over sympathizing and spoiling a child looks like. I saw it in many families I worked with. They figured that since their child has such a hard time dealing with so many things, that they should be excused from discipline. This only made things work. Same with adopted children. Having no structure, no standards, no consistency will only make them build that wall up inside them higher.

Sweety/ies, I am going to provide for you a house that has structure and consistency. That does not mean there will be no room for spontaneity or adventure, but it will give you the bet environment for you to learn, trust and love. When mistakes are made in life, and bad choices are made there will be consequences. They won't be outrageous or mean, but they will fit the situation. We will talk about them together. I will make sure you understand why you are being punished and I will talk to you after, reminding you that I will always love you, always be here, even when you may be obnoxious! Cause I don;t think you can ever hear I love you enough.

Bunny Mommy

AHH stupid type pad is so stupid. It ate MY POST! And I hate re-writing things. Sorry folks.

 

Soo cycle day 18 today…that’s not too early to test right?

 

I didn’t sleep last night. I finished a book that left my mind spinning. I was thinking of all the things that could happen with the soon to be adoption. I was getting worried, would I be good enough? What if I cannot provide them with all they need? What if I am not a good enough mom?

 

I remembered the book mentioning I need to be strong for my kids, make sure they know I have the confidence in my skills to be what they need. So I tried to think about the skills I have, and the tools I have to make our home the best home for these children.

 

And then I worried that these skills would not be enough, that maybe I was being too cocky thinking that I can do all this!

 

But then the love I have for these kids hit me. Kids I don’t know, I have never seen, I have never heard, but I love them unconditional already. Remembering that encouraged me, energized me and helped chase the fears away.

 

It’s cheesy and cliché and romanticized, but sometimes, all you need is love!

 

Then I read this chapter and realized the importance of believing in me, in my skills and in my desire to be a mother to these children:

 

#18 “I am worried I will be too much to handle.” Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.

 

If your heart broke a little just reading that, then we are in the same boat. I hate that we live in a world where children have these thoughts. This is not something a child should be worrying about, they should be worrying about whether those monkey bars are a little to high for them still, or what bubble gum flavor to choose this time. Not wondering whether they are too much to deal with.

 

The book mentions a little story, A baby bunny tells his mom that he is running away. The mommy bunny says ok I will follow you. The baby says that he will turn into a fish and swim away. The mommy bunny says then I will get on my fishing gear and fish for you, The baby bunny goes on to say all different kinds of ways he will run away, the mommy bunny always has a solution to find him. Finally the baby bunny says he might as well just stay here then.

 

 

 

What parents can do is, again, always be there ready to listen. Even when they are acting out because they are scared and don’t want to let you in, you have to be there, ready to hug, to cry with, to love. It is not going to be easy, but is being a parent ever easy?

 

Precious one/s, you ARE NOT too much to handle. You are you, beautiful amazing you. Even when you are scared, hurt, angry or upset you are not too much to handle. You are a joy, a blessing, my child/ren. Forever. I will follow you when you run away, I will make sure you know I am always here, why? Because I love you far too much.

The gold pole was calling me

Because my life is really not busy, or interesting enough, I have added a new class to the schedule. My sister and I are learning to pole dance.

While we were shopping on Saturday I noticed a studio beside the consignment store. I figured it was just a dance studio. But on the way out I noticed a shinny gold pole. I thought "NO it can't be!"

To my utter delight it was indeed a pole dancing studio! I have always been interested in this sport/art/dance thing and was giddy with excitement that they actually had a pole dancing studio only minutes from my house! Maeghan was also very excited about the idea.

So yesterday I signed her and I up for classes starting on June 19th for 6 weeks. I cannot tell you how pumped I am about this!

I LOVE learning new and interesting things and can't wait to start on this new adventure! My motto is "I hate being bored." So keeping busy with classes, projects, crafts, arts, cooking etc has always been my thing!

This will probably be another struggle for me when it comes to parenting. We aren't rich people (even though one commenter thought I must be after my little shopping spree! It's why I love the consignment, CHEAP!) and having children, especially if we get matched with a sib group of 3 and then find out we are pregnant with twins! OMG...I won't have much money laying around for me to take classes. So I figure, if it's something I will have to give up once we have children, then I better get all the class taking done that I can while being child free!

Moms out there, do you have money and time to take a class once in a while? How do you manage the babies and fiances etc to do fun activities!?!

# 17 "Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times." Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.

Pretty self explanatory, this chapter mostly listed examples of how this situation has caused pain. When a emergency arises, a medical condition appears, before physicals and at any doctor appointments. The question what is your medical history appears everywhere. And most take it for granted that we know ours. For these kids, if they have come from closed adoptions, where there is no contact with the birth parents, often times not much history is provided. This can cause a lot of issues in life and can be a really hard thing for kids to deal with.

I think the best thing we can do is prepare the kids before these appointments. Talk to them about what questions will be asked and how this is going to be hard. Prepare them for what you will need to say and what adoption details will have to be shared, ask their permission.

I didn't think the book provided very good tips for parents about this one. For younger kids, like 8 and younger, I think a schedule should be made. When I worked with autistic kids, these scheduled proved to be invaluable tools. You simply take a piece of paper and a pencil and draw out some boxes, in the boxes you take turns filling them out with things the adult wants the kid to do (go to the doctor, clean their room, do the dishes, or even smaller like, finish 3 math questions, tie your shoe lace etc) and then the kid gets to pick an activity to put in the next box (drawing, painting, park, toy, ice cream etc) this way they feel in control of their lives and both the adult and kids get what they need out of the event.

Little one/s, I don't know what information we will be provided with. I imagine it won't be much. I am sorry about this. I wish we knew everything, so that when the time arises we could share with you all the details and history of your first family. But if this is not possible, I promise to face these hard appointments with you, I promise to prepare you well enough in advance so its not a shock, and I promise to advocate the best I can for you, because you mean that much to me dear one.

Sex and the City

So if you love the show, then you will love the movie. It's like an extra long episode! Which is always fun. There is shoes, fashion, food, drinks and of course sex! The perfect girls night out!

And...in the first minute of the show, they show four girls walking together, making you think its the four main girls, it is not, but if you look closely one of those girls is wearing MY SHOES!!! My David Dixons. In the most shoe obsessed movie ever, and mine made the cut! So I am awesome, ya.

I won't tell you more cause I don't want to spoil anything, but you will love it. If you haven't watched the show before, don't go. It won't be as funny, and you may just not understand what the heck is going on.

After watching this movie, I am reminded about how much fun it is to be a girl. To wear and own all kinds of clothing, to have piles of shoes and still never have enough, to flirt and giggle and be cute! It's great!

I was inspired to celebrate my womenness, and what better way then to go shopping! I bought 3 pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of pants, 3 new shirts, 2 belts, 3 pieces of jewelry, 2 belts and 1 handbag. All for $200! I love consignment shops. There will be pics of the shoes, soon. It is June now, so we are back to shoe Fridays! SOOO excited.

All your 2 week wait suggestions are wonderful. I am planning on watching loads of movies, doing more shopping and going out with friends and family. I imagine these weeks will fly by.

The results will come at a good time, because I leave for our cruise on the 21st, if I am disappointedly not pregnant then there will be a lot of drinking done on this boat, I may not get off. For the other vacationers sack universe, you may just want to knock me up!?!

Also loving all your comments and the NaComLeavMo visitors! I am trying to get back to them all, sorry if I am slow, I was going for the Iron Commenter, and soo did not make it. But I am trying to visit all the participants blogs, and there are 215 of them. So I have a lot of commenting to do!! TRYING. DON'T HATE ME!

#16 "Birthday's may be difficult for me." Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.

This never occurred to me before. Birthdays, the day we are born, normally a cause for celebration. But for adoptees, for some, not all, birthdays can be very hard. It is not just a reminder of the day they are born, but the day they were abandoned. Even if they were adopted later in life, or given up for adoption not on their birthday, this day still reminds them that the mom that birthed them, is not around.

They think, I wonder if she is thinking about me today. She HAS to think about me today, I was born today. It is a day of mixed emotions for an adoptee. A day parents think will be great and fun for their child, may end up a mess. Or it might not.

If signs are showing, like sabotaging their own parties, refusing to eat, leave their rooms etc. Then maybe this day needs to be done differently. Maybe have a party on the weekend before and on the actual birthday just stay home, watch movies and have take out. Ask the child what they want to do on their birthday, maybe they don't want to celebrate it, or think about it, and that is their decision. But as parents we should recognize these signs and support them whatever way we can.

My precious little one/s. What a hard day for you. When everyone around you is smiling and partying to celebrate your birth, you may be crying and screaming cause you can't understand why she would give you up. We will celebrate this day the way you want to celebrate this day. It is your birthday, and I will remember how hard it can be. I wish I could take the pain on for you, I don't want you to have to go through all this. I love you so much angel/s.

Empty heads and crafts

CRAMPS are still here. They are finally getting manageable now, but last night, holy crap. It hurt to walk, to sit and to pee. Bending over was out of the question.

Soooo I didn't go in to work today. I have loads of house stuff to do today too, so I really need this day, preferably without the massive cramps, but oh well.

During the excruciating pain, I went to art class. Because I am that dedicated to my project. Funny that I don't really have ONE project, but whatever. I love drawing, and I recently drew a womens picture from a magazine, last night I decided to start a similar picture:

Magazine



1st drawing



Magazine image from last night



Drawing from last night, it's not done yet, still have to add a little detail to her and then the background of course!



Things like these are the things that will keep my sane the next two weeks. I have to keep busy and fill my schedule to the max, so I don't sit around an dwell on this waiting period.

What are some of your kill the 2 week wait tricks?

I really hope the good feeling I have isn't going to end up crushing me at the end of this!

#15 "Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don't tell other people without my consent." Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. By Sherrie Eldridge.

This book has been talking about the importance of talking about adoption with your kids, but this chapter I am SOO glad to see, because even though it is crucial we talk to our kids about adoption, it does not mean we tell the world about their adoption. Kids NEED to feel just like all the other kids. If we tell their teachers, other parents, the grocery clerks all about their adoption then they feel like they are not apart of the family. The feel too different and then start building walls up again. Sometimes it is necessary other people outside of family and close friends know, like doctors, or teachers when there is a special learning need they may have due to their life before adoption, like fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. But really there is not much need to advertise the fact that they are adopted. If a situation arises when it needs to be told, ask their permission first. This is their life we are talking about, it should be them that says if they are ok sharing the information of not.

I am grateful for this chapter, because I have heard parents introduce their adoptive child as "Oh and this is our adoptive child Mary." How painful is that? You wouldn't introduce a child of a divorce as "This is John, he is a child from divorce!"

There will be times when people make stupid and inappropriate comments and you just have to be patient and model to your child how to deal with these morons. Example: When someone from the gossip train has heard that you adopted and then runs into you and your child and asks "Oh is this the adoptive one?" You can answer "Hmm well since we are on the topic of being nosy bitches, how was that affair you were having?" Ok so maybe thats what I would want to say, and to be honest I just may lash out at these low life's, but the book says to answer like this "Hi Mrs Prudi, why do you ask?" and then change the subject after she mumbles around for a while in her empty head to come up with an answer.

My little one/s. People can be lame. I wish that these questions would never occur, but I know there will be times when people say stupid things, adults, teens and your peers. So I will TRY to model for you the best way to handle the situation, and I will teach you the best things to say when someone approaches you. I also PROMISE, cross my heart and hope to die, that I will never tell someone about your adoption without your approval. And if we have to tell someone, we will do it together and educate them on adoption, ok? Man, I just love you guys so much.