alicia

Birthday adventures

That was different...

I am spoiled. Putting it on there. Every year my birthday turns more into a birthday week of me getting all the things I want. I want to eat at this restaurant...DONE I want to buy this movie DONE I want to lay around all day DONE. It has been this way for a while now. So in my normal  behavior I had high expectations of a similar week. 

Ya I know, hello baby, time sucking, energy sapping doesn't care its my birthday child to handle here. 

So I woke up Friday with the surprise that Keith wasn't going into the office, but had to work from home. So many times throughout the day he was running off working and I was left with the unappreciative child not really doing any special birthday thing. The drive to Edmonton was nice after Keith's phone died so he could no longer take work calls. Once we got to Edmonton it was 6:30, Ivy's bed time. So we got the room all ready, did her routine the best we could in a different place and put her to bed in the hotel crib, which apparently was a torture chamber because the kid wailed the whole time in it. 

Keith and I watched the new Harry Potter and ate some expensive room service for my birthday dinner (not what I am used to) but I still enjoyed it. 

Then came the night from hell. Thrown back to the early new born days. Ivy did not sleep. She hated that hotel and nothing we could do would get her to sleep. So we all ended up with about 2 hours of sleep and were eating breakfast at 7. 

saturday was amazing though. We got to meet 2 new little babies, Ivy's cousins (well 2nd cousins I think, but they will be known to her as cousins). Holy crap new borns are small! I couldn't believe how light they were. I can't believe my 18 pounder was once that small! 

After a nice day we headed home after dinner. We arrived here at 9 and got Ivy to bed and I crashed. SOOO tired.

I have pics, but I haven't learned this computer well enough yet to show you them! So be patient they will come soon. 

5th week of life

BEST WEEK EVER! I miss this week....

I discovered a secret. It was huge, it was amazing, it was PERFECT!

I bought a white noise maker machine with the return cash from a baby gift we already had. And I bought a swaddle me blanket, a blanket straight jacket style. Unless your baby is Houdini there is no escaping this swaddle.

These 2 pieces of angel made equipment had my little babykins sleeping from 10 till 4. OMG I know. It also somehow left her in such good spirits for the next day that she would nap, anywhere! I could leave her on the couch and she'd nap, in her swing or the bouncy chair or freakin any place! And with all this napping she would still sleep 10 - 4.

Are you noticing the "hads" and "dids" and past tensyness of the whole discussion here?

"What mom, totally not my fault! Your magic tools can't trick me into sleep! NO WAY!"

So the 5th week was so awesome, I was so rested and feeling like me! I could accomplish sooo much with her napping so nicely! I actually had some fun! Visiting friends and going out. I finally thought mommyhood was fun and enjoyable and not just merely trying to survive each day.

God knew what He was doing when He made them so cute.

I think you can tell what I am about to get at here.

6th week. Not so freakin fun. And we are only at Tuesday people.

The magic is gone. My tools and machines have failed me. And it probably wouldn't be so bad, but I really got used to feeling human again. So being thrown back into sleepless nights and random napping has really kinda messed with me, more then I would like to admit, but you are my friends so I will...

I kinda went all depressed over here.

I don't know if Postpartum Depression can come and go from day to day, or maybe I am just Bi Polar, totally possible.

I have had a very awful last 2 days. I became so frustrated with her in the middle of the night, that at some points I wished I never had her. I thought that possibly God made me infertile for a reason and me all messing up with His plan and becoming a mom was the worst thing I could have done. Not just for me,  but for the poor child who is suffering through my horrible mommyness.

I know, it was late, I am sleep deprived, overwhelmed and exhausted, these feelings could be normal or not. What is normal anyways?

Please do not misunderstand here and call child services or something. I love my daughter, love her with all my freakin being. I just had a moment of weakness. There was no shaking of the baby or throwing of the baby, just merely sobbing into baby's chest while she wailed in my ears. I will defiantly call for help before I get anywhere near the hurting of child stage. I am just kinda going through a hard time these days.

She slept in 2-3 hours chunks last night. I am feeling better then yesterday. The nights previous had her sleeping for only 30 minute pieces and nothing would soothe her to sleep again.

Keith and I talked about things. I realized I was immensely jealous of his ability to leave her for whole days at a time. He asked what I would do if I had a whole day off, and the funny thing is all I want to do with my spare time is see him. I miss us. So we decided to do more date nights, like every other week if possible. I will pump and get my mom to look after her. I think this will be good for me.

So I am feeling ok today. It is really nice out, I think I will take my adorable creature of cuteness for a walk to see some baby ducks!

If you have a prayer to spare, please say a quick one for my sanity and for some sleepy goodness to consume my child tonight. Thanks dudes.

(ignore triple chin thing I am sporting and large red ass pimple on my face. I am all kinds of sexy here, bring on the mom butt!)

Keeping up? NO

How do you do it friends? There are many of you readers out there with new babies and you still post regularly on your blogs and manage to comment on others!?! HOW! I am totally failing at managing a life outside of Ivy, and trust me I try.

Let me wrap up for you the 4th week of little Ivy's life:

• 4 weeks old! I KNOW, where in heavens name has the time gone?? And think tomorrow she is a month old, totally crazy weird.
• to keep her napping I kept SUPER busy last week with outings. We went to my office, Keith's office and Grandmas office to show her off. There has also been lots of walks and long car rides just to keep the child from crying all day.
• When at home she is either fussing during the day, crying or in my arms/sling sleeping making my OCD need to keep things clean impossible.
• lots of eating is taking place, leaving my nipples a little ouchy! Breast feeding anywhere but my glider is more challenging and since we are out a lot her latch becomes a little less then perfect.
• she is putting on the pudge! Which I love. All those wrinkles and folds ahhh they are to die for. I think I nibble on them all at least 3 times a day! I am sucking out at cleaning all those rolls though, it is impossible to get them all clean and then she gets sore in some of her folds...bad bad mom.
• she is starting to hold eye contact for longer, which is OH MY GOD cute and really special. Makes me feel all loved inside, until the loving eye contact turns into her focused pooing face.
• I am falling more and more in love with her each day, its hard not to when the worlds cutest child lives with you.

This week has been easier then the previous weeks, but it is still kicking my butt being a mom. Functioning on no sleep has become my norm, which leaves me to be less then desirable company. I still can't get any kinda routine going so that I can get some of the things I need to get done DONE. Like this blog, and reading your blogs. She is currently crying in her bouncy chair while I type. I have turned into a mom that lets her baby cry for long periods of time so SOMETHING can be accomplished around here. It sucks, but there is not much I can do about this, the kid just likes to cry.

So I am totally boring now! I know the only reason you are all here is for pictures, because really who cares about me anymore? I totally have to get used to this, people only call me to see HER, so not about me any more...ya I know you aren't reading anymore, you are totally cheating and looking at the pictures of her down there. Big yellow dragon just flew into my room and told me I am special and then ate my baby...like I thought, no reaction.

How can one still be sooo flippin cute even while screaming at the top of ones lungs?

This hand tastes sooo awesome! I wish I could fit both on them in there.

My almost first smile! Totally gas/sleep related, but we are almost there people! I can't wait for the smiling to begin!

Monday Monday

Today. Today was supposed to be looking a LOT different, like me in a hospital holding a bundle of the sweetest sweetest preciousness to ever grace this earth. Yet here I am at my computer screen, still totally all up with child and such.

Due date was yesterday. A day I have been counting down to, for about 281 days or so and what a disappointment it was. We were told at the beginning of our prenatal class to be "Zen with our due month." and I was all like "Ya that is so cool, cause I am so going to be 2 weeks early, I am totally zen!" I think the whole zen thing is for the women who are going batty once past their due dates!

Yes, you could say I am upset. Keith keeps trying to tell me to relax, not stress about it, she will come out eventually, I am just doing such a good job keeping her happy and healthy in the womb that she doesn’t want to come out here yet and blah di da BLAH FREAKIN BLAH!

Zen.....breathe......BREATHE

I really want to meet little Twinkle. But if I am going to be honest with all you folks, this is starting to not be the biggest reason I want her out. 39 weeks onward SUCKS. I don't sleep, because as soon as I am in a vertical position the heartburn rages up my esophagus and chocks me with its acidyness and no amount of calk pills will calm the rage. If I get any sleep I have messed up, crazy ass, dreams, like the one where Keith decided to brothel me out to all his buddies for a large chunk of change so we could pay for the freakin basement renos! This lack of sleep has me in permo grump state, making going out of the house kinda of awkward for the rest of the world who has to deal with me. But really what takes the cake these days.....the gas.

Oh you chuckle. I am sooooo gassy (like EVERY food gives me gas) that I have swollen up from gasness. “Oh that’s just water Alicia”, no...no it really isn't, trust me. With every walk, bump, or jiggle a burp escapes my mouth, be it mid sentence or whenever. I can't control it. To add to this specialness every step causes a little release of gas that is slightly more smelly and oh wait that was a little more than just gas....eiew. But the fun keeps going as every time I laugh, or sneeze or MOVE a little squirt of pee just wants to join the fluid releasing party! I know you want to hang out with me now, cause a grumpy, sleep deprived, overdue, gas filled, pregnant women just sounds like the ball of fun that you need right now.

Trust me when I say I am doing everything within my power to excavate her. I have succumb to swallowing primrose oil, and then each night shoving one up the old houch to ripen the cervix. I am taking red leaf raspberry tea pills each day and drinking the actual tea when I can stomach it. I am walking ridiculous amounts of hills and for hours to get things going. Yes I even tried sex. NOTHING IS WORKING!

As proof:

This is me, all 40 weeks pregnant style, vacuuming the new carpet in the basement. Which I then followed with a session of vacuuming the dust infested couch and armchair we had hidden in the back filth room for 2 years. Which was proceeded with the washing of this couch and chair by hand with some upholstery cleaner. Because even if it is a temporary basement furniture set up, it still needs to meet my cleanliness standards.

I think I am going to go vacuum upstairs now, it has been a while since you know they were steam cleaned, they totally need a little more attention. What's funny is you think I am joking!

Dose of duh

I went to bed early last night, not like that is unusual in my pregnant state, but I did have 12 hours of sleep the night before (I haven't worked Wednesdays in Feb, I used my last vacation days to take them off, so I got to sleep in) and I had a 1 hour nap. But Keith kicked me off the TV to play video games with his buddy, and I couldn't think of anything else to do but go to sleep.

If I go to bed when I am only partly tired then I face an issue. Twinkle child is not near ready for sleep time. So as I lay there trying to fall asleep she practices her acrobat routine that she will stun me with after birth. She did these crazy somersaults, kicks and jazz fingers for over an hour. I would be lying if I said I was not getting annoyed. I did finally fall asleep, but I fell asleep grumpy. I paid for it in my dreams.

My first dream was about Keith being a psychopathic wife beater who was chasing me around with a shot gun and kitchen knife (I believe this dream was due to the episode of Law and Order SVU I had just watched where the husband was a crazy wife beater, also mixed with the episode of CSI I watched where the guy was going on a shot gun killing rampage).

My second dream was about me being some sort of teacher in a weird Disney World type school, where all the elders of the institution wore monk robes, and I was desperately trying to convince one of these elders that it was essential we have a ball at the school to celebrate Mickey Mouse's 100 year birthday. But the real freaky part of the dream was that I was single and desperately in want of a baby. I was pursuing infertility treatments without a partner but was not succeeding. The painting above my bed in my staff room could come alive. And it turned into a mocking face behind glass that would tease me about my infertility and lack of babyhood. I tried to pry it off the wall with a knife, but the painting would not budge and his hurtful comments attacked me over and over. It was so very sad to be back in that place, even while dreaming that same sad depression came over me.

I awoke to a gentler thumping from within. I must have woken up Twinkle with my sadness and she wanted to remind her mommy that it was ok, she was here, alive and kicking and soon to be in my arms in a short 7 weeks.

I was never more happy to feel her in my rib cage.

Step away from the pregnant lady

I have 2 posts battling it out in my brain, one full of things I am so grateful for, the other a complete whine feast. Guess which one is winning?

WARNING: This lame post is all about me whining about things pregnancy and other crap things. I understand if you need to just leave this one alone.

I need SLEEEEPPP. This baby is totally against that idea. I know what you are all going to comment right now, ohh its good practice for when the baby comes, and here’s what I say to that I DON’T CARE! I am the type of person who really needs her rest, I sleep more then a teenager. I just don't function on poor quality sleep.

I fall asleep easily enough. I form my birds nest of pillows around my body, and I am usually alone in the bed as Keith and Tissue stay up late. I think happy thoughts of me being a little birdy all snuggled into a nest a top a warm summer tree, and I fall asleep.

I usually stay asleep until about 2am. The baby wakes me by kicking some vital organ and I realize I need to pee (I usually have already peeded once before this). For some reason this pee session gets little Twinkle going. She is all "YAY MOM IS AWAKE, ATTACK!" She kicks and kicks and OUCH. And then with all that jiggling going on I start to think, and then my mind goes crazy and I am obsessing over the most ridiculous things EVER that keep me awake.

Lately the topic of my clinical level obsession, is the stroller. We purchased the car seat last week. We found a stroller that we both LOVE that is compatible with this car seat, but it is hella expensive. But it has taken over every fiber of my being and I imagine the things Twinkle and I will do and the places we will go in this stroller! Isn't this insane. This keeps me up people. I CAN'T STOP WITH THE STROLLER THOUGHTS. I think of the outfits that will look cute with the color of it, I imagine the people that will stop me and compliment us on our groovy stroller combo. I am going insane.

So after a few HOURS of this thinking, my body eventually collapses with stroller exhaustion and I toss and turn until the alarm clock goes off at 6.

Leaving me all very tired, angry and grumpified.

Functioning on this type of sleep leaves me doing ridiculous things like banging my elbow repeatedly on the same stupid painting, forgetting I have a belly and trying to squish into a tiny crack between my craft table and getting stuck, speaking out loud the insane thoughts that travel through my deranged mind to anyone that listens.

Not only do these nights leave my tired and grumpy, but SORE. My back between my shoulder blades is almost constantly being stabbed with pain, my hips and lower back ache and my butt has apparently grown and now every time I sit on a toilet sit, the new weight of my butt checks causes them to fall asleep. So I have butt pins and needles after every pee. It's awesome.

I know I am so beyond freakin lucky and blessed to be in this situation. But I really have to endure this for 9 more weeks? Thank God I start mat leave in March, I know there will be less whining then.

Thanks for letting me vent, I promise I love this child and all it does to me more then you can comprehend. I am just in a bithcy foul mood, and you happen to be here to listen.

That was close

So we almost had a disaster on our hands here, but I think it has been avoided...I think.

Our passports expire in May of this year. Me being the blond prego that I am, thought that expiry dates were there for a reason, meaning traveling with a passport that hasn't expired should not be an issue.

BUT

According to the Mexico government web-site they require that people entering the country have passports that expire a minimum of 6 MONTHS after their return flight home. Not good.

I called the Canadian passport office, they said that it should not be a problem, but call your airline and the Mexican Consulate in Calgary.

I called the airline, they said as long as your passport does not expire while you are traveling, you are fine.

I called the Mexican Consulate, they said as long as you are a Canadian citizen and your passport does not expire while you are traveling you are ok.

Keith called the airline...The guy he spoke with checked the Mexico government web-site and it says that passports CANNOT expire before 6 months after departure date, so he is unsure if we will be allowed on the plane.

Oh for freakin sakes!

Keith is now calling the Mexican Consulate and getting them to fax him something saying we have spoken with them and were told it is ok to travel. I hope this works.

Please please universe let me go to Mexico! I need some beach......

Also universe, since you are listening and stuff, can you help me pass my gestational diabetes test I am doing today?!

Ya great day hey? Passport stress and drama, followed with a nice relaxing sugar, death drink! Good times. Oh and because they are such nice people they throw in a few stabs with a needle and withdraw some of my precious blood too.

Awesome day I am having, you?

Ups and downs

Downs:

• I totally just backed into a hidden, raised, sidewalk and messed up our BRANDLY NEWLY FIXED bumper. Keith says I am not allowed to drive with the baby.
• I am a spoiled, selfish, brat, princess who is pouting about Christmas because my sister is not going to be here this year and now my parents are not going to be here, and BOO. I have never spent a Christmas without them, and I am all upset and grumpy.
• I have been SO proud of how I am putting together the nursery on such a cheap budget, but am still managing to make it look freakin designer quality awesome, but Keith seems to be only focusing on the money I am "wasting".
• I HATE hormones. I can't control my crying, it is so embarrassing.
• 38 more work days until mat leave.

Ups:

• Keith isn't actually that mad at me about the car, although really he should be.
• Christmas is almost here! And my parents will be back on the 27th and we will do a late Christmas with them that day.
• The nursery is looking GREAT! And Keith did admit he is proud of my frugalness.
• Hormones = pregnancy. So seriously I need to shut up with the complaining already.
• 38 more work days till mat leave!
• AND I am getting a pregnancy massage from a super ritzy spa tonight! Just because I said I deserved it! Now I am thinking that money should go towards fixing the hole I put in the car, but whatever.

Chased by the Paparazzi in goose poo boots

Tomorrow my sister and I are going to be famous for an hour.

For Christmas I have purchased an hours studio time, in a photography studio. There will be a white backdrop, and we basically get to pose and do whatever we want while they take our pictures!

We know we want to dress up, and have really fun pictures. But we are both kinda stumped as to what to dress up with? We are allowed to change outfits, but cannot wear heels (as they can punch holes in backdrop). I was thinking maybe if we found some really fun hats! But that’s about all I got.

Any suggestions? We can't spend a fortune on costumes or anything, but we really want to have some neat, unique, pictures done.

After the photo session I have to set up an appointment to view the pictures where they crop and edit them right in front of you, while you lounge on a couch and watch the pictures fly across a big screen TV. Then you place your order for what pics you want and then wait a few days for them to come in. So you will get to see them, just not sure when.

It should be a fun time though! My sis is leaving for Europe in Dec, and is here till Tuesday before going back to school in Toronto. So after this Tuesday I won't be seeing her again till August! So I thought some fun photo moments together before she leaves would be a fun present.

So help! Please! I need your creative minds :)

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So did you notice the lack of shoes? Sorry! Apparently our winner, Danielle, has gone on a little vacation and forgot to send me her winter boot pic! GRRRR

Speaking of winter boots, I am upset. I actually had a for real, honest to goodness, temper tantrum walking home on Wednesday. My boots, my brand new, warm stylish boots HURT like hell. They end at a certain spot on my ankle/lower leg, that when rubbed just pushes me into an Oscar the Grouch kinda mood. These boots are so stiff and ridged that there is no flexibility! They are like snow board boots, which would be fine if I was carving down a mountain, but I am just trying to walk to work here!

So Wednesday afternoon, the snow was coming down, the ground was slick and icy and my $150 boots were digging into my bone. I was getting grumpier and grumpier when all of a sudden the left boots laces totally came undone. I growled a menacing growl. Threw my mittens and back pack on the snow covered ground and began stomping my feet. Yes just like that 3 year old you saw in the mall last week. Keith came over, trying real hard not to laugh, as that would only anger me more. And helped me tie the boot and get me re-mitted. I just HATE that I spent so much money on a pair of boots, and shopped so hard and long for them, to only have them destroy my ankles!

To make matters worse, upon arriving home and checking out the cleanliness of them, to see how returnable they would be, I realized that I had stepped in bird poop, with not one, but both boots. I have some immense cleaning ahead of me this weekend, cause there is no way I am keeping these babies. GRRRRRR.

16 weeks and bruised

So did you catch my little ultrasound update? Sorry about the delay on that one, technology problems. But yes it hurt, and yes it still hurts. She was a new ultrasound tech and has actually managed to BRUISE my chest muscle. The middle of my chest, like right under the boob area, but above the tummy, sternum area I believe, is aching. It hurts when I bend over, sneeze, or when it is lightly brushed. Not a happy camper here. That whole ultrasound place was a joke to be honest. The heart ultrasound took over an hour of jabbing and poking and mistakes! So many mistakes a senior tech had to come in to show the poor girl how it was done. After was the thyroid ultrasound, that was weird having him jab the wand into my throat, but it was about 1000 times less painful, so whatever. But on the way back to the dressing room I got so severely lost and had a few nurses yell at me for entering "staff only" places. Once I finally got to my room, with the help of the senior ultrasound tech who found me sobbing in a corner, she closed the little door to the airplane bathroom sized dressing room. She unfortunately closed the door so tightly that it could only be opened from the outside. Basically I was stuck in that itsy bitsy, claustrophobic room for 15 minutes before FINALLY someone passed by me and heard my small whimpers for "help!". I was totally left traumatized from this experience. Results some time this week.

And no, I did not get a glimpse of Twinkle, cause I was trying REAL hard not to cry from all the pain, seriously.

16 weeks! Check out the belly bump page at the top to see the dramatic changes. It's Monday people, it's why I look like I am half asleep.

2 and a bit weeks till the BIG ultrasound, that Keith and I are still not speaking about. It should be an interesting day on the 18th.

ADDED: So apparently my belly bump and about me link at the top got messed up, so sorry about that. Both are fixed now, so go and check them out!