- head space

Told you it was bad. It only got WORSE. Last night, after everyone in the house was feeling the frustrations of tripping on stuff, stepping on stuff, smelling weird stuff, well it was enough. Keith cleaned the kitchen. I not only cleaned the play room but gathered a HUGE bag of toys and books for donation, so it was a productive evening. 

I know I have been kinda winy in these parts, but I am just so glum. Honestly I didn't know a regular old period could MESS with you like this. I am so unmotivated and tired and moody and just horrible. I am in this awful head space. I can't seem to shake it. 

I really hope today goes better, not sure how much longer my family, or me! can take this pessimism. 

I confess I am really, really struggling with staying in the nows, which only further adds to my negative attitude. I feel these last 2 weeks my thoughts turning to Glitter a lot. Calculating how far pregnant I would be now, imaging feeling kicks inside, what our family should be doing to prepare for this new life. Then I switch from thoughts of Glitter to imaging one day adopting and what that will look like, and when it will be and what will happen to our family then. All the while I am off in dream land I miss Ivy drawing a real looking person for the first time, with a face, legs and arms. I notice it while cleaning up after she is in bed. I am sad that I did not get to celebrate her and her talent in the moment she made it. To lost in tommorows and yesterdays to see the beauty of today. 

These beauties, that make my life so full,

TODAY: Cheer up! Maybe the zoo, science centre, park, something! Any one want to join us? 

Comments

[Susan]

That looks just like my house!!! I'm constantly taking pictures of how bad it is cause for some reason people seem to think that my house is always perfect. Yah right! Plus when the kids are all grown up - I can look back and remind myself of how hard it really was.
Alicia, you might not know who I am but I read your blog ALL the time.
We know from The Well (long time ago), Beddington, Church in the Hills. My husband's name is Ryan.
We have two kids - basically the same age as yours. I really enjoy reading your blog every morning. It has inspired me to get back into blogging.
Thanks!

[Susan]

I meant to say we know Keith! :)

[val]

omg that pic of ayla istotally ivy...first time i have seen it!