Urban Green Farm

Not a baby

It sorta snuck up on me. The little ways here and there that took Ayla from baby to little girl. Of course there were things like walking, first words, teething but in the last week it really just happened! 

She sits at the table. 

She has all kinds of words, her favorite BIRDY! 

She climbs anything and everything. 

She ADORES her big sister and just wants to do what she is doing. 

She flirts, no really, like at church on Sunday she had 3 THREE teenage boys ohhing over her. SERIOUSLY. They would say ahhh, or ohh and she would twist her hips and swing her arms and look up at them with her dimple's and huge blue eyes and the boys would just lose it. Ya it was crazy. 

She is stubborn, if she doesn't get what she wants she will LET you know. 

Maybe its because of her cuddles, her sweetness, her love of being carried and sadly in the last month her crazy pain over her bum but she still seemed like a baby! Some medicated cream fixed up her bum and finally for the first time in months she wasn't in pain and just exploded into little girlhood. 

And then this happened,

BEFORE

(She was really thrilled about doing the before picture) 

DURING

AFTER

Yup that's a little girl there. No more baby Ayla. Do you know what that means? Right, a new baby is needed is these parts :) 

TODAY: Groceries, they so didn't get done yesterday what with all the driving to get Ayla to nap which didn't work at all, her haircut and then her falling asleep after the haircut which resulted in more driving around. I really feel like going to the bird sanctuary too, if anyone wants to come let me know! 

truths

I defiantly think it's time for another Fly on the Wall post over here! I need more volunteers friends! Let me know if you are interested in documenting part of your day and telling us all what your day shapes up to be! Check in here tomorrow to see the Fly on the Wall, Millis Family Afternoon. 

I feel I need to do another one of these, because I sometimes wonder, am I the only mom struggling through this? Is this what all kids do? And the biggest question of all, and why I really want some visitor fly posts, can I do all this with even MORE kids? 

There are moments, when the day is going REALLY bad where I question my desire for more children, even in a really BAD BAD parenting moment I have shouted at Ayla or Ivy "It's this kind of behaviour that is going to keep us from having another baby!" Wow, that is really super special, like really that's just mean! Ivy wants another baby so bad, and I can tell Ayla would be incredible with one, and their actions have nothing to do with more babies or not, it's whether Keith and I can handle their behaviours plus more from other kids! 

But, even during those bad days, those bad moments, I honestly still have a desire for more children. And I do think I can handle it. Pregnancy is hard, labour is HARD, the first year of life is hard, but there is SOO much more then those first challenging years and I don't want to skip out not having more babes because of those challenges. 

We had a special day yesterday and as strange as it was I ended up being very proud of myself and my children. A friend took us to Costco and normally my kids are superstars in the grocery store, I have NEVER had a issue. Ayla loves watching people, so she is always entertained and right when we get into the store Ivy gets a small toy, box of crayons, stickers, colouring book, bubbles or a book, something small in price, and she gets to hang onto it through out the trip. If she misbehaves or doesn't listen she loses her prize. I have NEVER had to take a toy away. This method always works for her, because gifts are her love language. But yesterday....oh yesterday. Ayla feel asleep as we pulled into the parking lot, I tried to transfer her sleepy self to the sling, but no luck. So she was a GRUMP. Ivy even was mopping and whiny about the whole thing! I ended up carrying IVY in the sling for a good chunk of time. And then Ayla lost her marbles. She thrashed and screamed and freaked the freak out. 

If I was alone the cart full of groceries would have been abandoned. Luckily my friend was there to push the cart and keep Ivy near us, while I held the thrasher. But even with Ayla' s meltdown and ear drum breaking levels we kept shopping. And I wasn't even mad, or losing my cool. I was just embracing the awkward moment and brushed peoples glances off with a reminder to myself that dude you were all babies once too. I felt bad for Ayla, I put her in this hard place. She was tired. And I pushed her nap time for my schedule, something I do a lot to her! I hate one nap. Finally she passed out in my arms and I truly just felt warm happy thoughts about my girls. I am a lucky women. 

After this you think I would head home and never leave. But Ayla was still sleeping, so we drove around and she woke up just as I was at the Superstore. I needed a few more items Costco didn't have, so back to grocery land we went. And they did AMAZING! They were better then good, they were sweet and giggling and I was like OH YA I can have more. 

Any secrets about having a large family? Any tips you can share? 

TODAY: Taking pics of all our afternoon moments to share with you tomorrow! Could be amazing, could be crazy, we just won't know till later! 

poo

And not the cuddly yellow bear kind. 

When you become a parent you expect there to be some poo in your future, diapers go with babies. But diapers are not the yard part, diapers can be quite easy in comparison. 

The poo everywhere else is the overwhelming part. When it leaks out of the diaper, when it is smeared into sheets, clothes, your hands, when it is ALL OVER YOUR CARPET. 

Can you see where I am going here? 

Ayla is having some bum issues. Since birth she has been prone to severe diaper rash and yeast rashes. She has always had runny poo and I know this is WAY too much information and EIEH why are you telling us this, but its my LIFE right now. 

This kids little bum is blistered and bleeding and RAW with rash. She is in constant pain. Our day of adventures got cut short because after the awesome morning at bird sanctuary, Ayla just couldn't take sitting anymore, mostly because her bum was a mess. So she went diaper free yesterday. And this wouldn't be so bad if I could keep her in the kitchen, or outside (it was WAY to hot for her bare little bum and sunscreen on open sores would just be mean) so she had free run of the house, because it was too hard and too sad to contain her. 

So my day was following her around with a pail of water and carpet cleaner, cleaning up every little acidly squirt she had. My carpet is soaked. But she finally was happy and it cleared up a bit. 

I have done some reading, some research and it is just a hard area. Teething causes diaper rash, and I know she is teething. But foods can cause rash too, so determining if this is diet or just teeth is hard. Cutting out dairy did not help the rash, but I know it has helped my asthma and I hope it has helped Ayla's too. The next thing to eliminate is gluten. 

BAH

I am kinda addicted to all bready, startchy, carby things. But I think it is worth a try. 

I will see what happens when this tooth cuts through. But I have a feeling Ayla and I will be changing even more things around here. It is just not cool for Ayla to be in this constant state of uncomfortable. 

Sorry I know that was way more information about poo and bums then you wanted to hear, but I am drowning in it! 

TODAY: Another diaper free day, possibly a trip to the science centre this morning (with diapers :) ) My poor Ayla baby. Tonight is a going away party for my bestest buddy :( She leaves on a awesome adventure for 3 months on Saturday, the summer will be strange without her. 

sand

Since this post last year I knew we needed sand. 

Watching Ivy play with the sand near the water was just incredible. She could have done it all day. She got lost in her world, just the sand, a bucket and some water. Almost immediately after that trip I bought a cheap sand box. But it became cold out and it was used but not much. 

This year however, wow. Before we even get breakfast on the table I catch Ivy outside, in the sand. As soon as we head outside the first place both girls go is that sand box. They will sit there, in the sand,TOGETHER for hours. They play so well with each other there. They share, they laugh. 

They spent an equal amount of time reaching into the kiddie pool, never going in, but putting their toy cups, tea pots, buckets and shovels in it and moving the water to some other location. 

They love our yard, which makes me love it. While they played so blissfully yesterday afternoon I feel asleep on the grass and didn't wake to a horror of a sand fight, or bleeding body parts, but just the girls in the sand box. 

These kids belong outside. In the sand, near the water. Even if the sand is from a box and the water from the pool (not ideal, a beach near a river or lake would be ideal hee hee). 

Yesterday we headed to Allen Bill Pond, one of my most favorite places, only 40mins from here. It is a huge fish filled lake, with a rocky shore surrounding it, with a huge rushing river near by. There isn't really sand, so Ayla wasn't too excited about it, but Ivy loved throwing rocks into the water and digging in the dirt.

I love seeing these kids near water. I can't wait to get to Sylvan Lake again, spend some days on the only beach we have here. Until then the kids will enjoy MANY moments of sand in the back yard. And it doesn't even bug me having to put the kids in the kitchen sink and soak them down every time they want to go back in the house and then a few minutes later I catch them deep in the sand again. But it's hard to get upset about something that brings them so much joy. 

TODAY: Bird sanctuary?, Bowness park?, backyard play? all or one? Whatever today brings we will be in the sun. Keith works super late tonight, so maybe we will have to have a adventure picnic dinner somewhere. Ohh this day sounds fun! 

babes

I had a small taste of 3 yesterday. A friend of mine had a new baby, and I remember all to well those first hard days of being a new mom. How exhausted, scared, emotional and painful it all is. So I popped over to her house to help out while she got some much deserved rest! 

Ayla was supposed to nap the whole visit, but instead she wanted to be everywhere that baby was. The baby quickly ended up in the sling, and if we ever have a third baby that is where it will spend all it's time. My girls did great to be honest. They both just wanted to snuggle and hold the new baby. But for a few hours I got the taste of three. And 3 very close in age!! My life if I did not lose Glitter, that would have been crazy, but wonderful. 

It was also clear that priorities would change even more. The cleanliness of this house has gone through a OCD neat freak mom, to a oh well it can wait....another week kinda clean mom. It is entirely impossible to keep this place clean with 2 busy kids and it just doesn't get to me the way it once did. With 3 the floor will always be sticky, the windows always finger printed and the carpets always crummy and that would just be the way it is! I think that would be well worth it for another little Millis in here. 

I am not sure if it was the lack of nap, the excitement Ayla felt over the new baby, or the small amount of real ice cream she got before bed, but this kid had a BAD night. 

She has been getting up a lot lately in the night. It is frustrating. She just needs to be lied down and given her soother, but it was happening MORE and MORE and sometimes she would need to be rocked back to sleep. I was kinda done with this. I know she is teething and growing and la di da but I NEED MY SLEEP. 

So Ayla cried it out again last night. She did this back at 7 months old and it took a while but she got used to it. So after an hour of crying with me coming in every 5 minutes to tell her I loved her and tucked her back in, she FINALLY calmed down. And SLEPT THROUGH the rest of the night. I really hope this sticks. 

She is a little puffy eyed this morning and I made sure she got lots of cuddles. It is a hard thing to do and not for every family, but I think she will have a good night tonight!

TODAY: My Grandma is coming over to make buns with me! She makes the BEST buns. It is likely going to rain today, so it will be great to stay inside baking. 

updates

*** Ayla walks. This happened sometime in April, where she stopped just taking little steps here and there and started full out walking. It's awesome. She can get where and what she wants so much easier. Outside is better because she does not have to crawl over itchy grass. YAY baby! 

*** Counselling, we have had 3 sessions. I seem to be hogging them with my issues, but Keith gets the next one to talk :) It is hard to say what exact proof we have that this is working, but I know it is. I guess I am just learning to communicate better and how to let go of some things, because even if I could fix it all would it really make a huge difference? Most likely no. I know this is general and annoying, but getting into all the nitty gritty details would take forever and ya a little personal! 

*** Meals. We have been eating great! Almost all the recipes I have tried out I really enjoy. I know I feel more energized. When I do eat meat, or have real cheese my stomach gets really heavy and hard! Not fun. So I don't eat those things often. I really really think the project health smoothies are keeping me healthy and cold free! Which is awesome, because they taste good and make me feel awesome. 

Recipe:

1 cup frozen berries (I use PC organic power berry blend) 

1/2 cup wild canadian blueberries 

4 stems kale 

1/2 banana 

2 tbsp honey 

1 cup orange juice 

1 cup steeped green tea 

2 tbsp chia seeds 

2 tbsp hemp hearts  

2 tbsp flax seeds 

Blend it up and drink down the good! 

*** Tingles. I am not sure if from eating better, exercising more, or not being as stressed, but the tingles have lessened. I have to stop and think about them to feel them and the muscle weakness has gone away completely. I have not heard the results from the MRI over 2 weeks ago, so I am assuming things are good there! 

*** Cash system. AHHH we are dropping the ball here. It is so hard to remember grabbing cash! We haven't even got the cash out for May yet! I know this system would work, we have to freeze our credit cards and debit cards I think! ahh too drastic :) I know cash forces me to be more conscious of my spending, so I really need to try harder. 

*** Baby # 3. Ohh babies. We still have taken a break on trying. We really want to get the most out of counselling and focus on us. But I am feeling we are close to being done with counselling. Now I have to settle some heart stuff. I really really want to adopt, and the more I think about it the more I want to do it now! So there is some big talks, prayers and thinking in this families future. 

*** Goal for May. I am trying to get this body at its prime! (another reason to avoid another pregnancy and wine of course) We have been biking LOTS which is awesome and I can feel my muscles growing with each ride. I will be going to yoga once a week and trying to do yoga at home every other day. I also do a lot of walking and house cleaning, both are a great workout! So I plan on being in shape this summer. 

TODAY: Possible playdate, if not outside day! Tonight I have a date with a girlfriend to see a movie, The Hunger Games! YAY!! I read the books so fast but haven't had a chance to see the movie yet. Should be a great day. 

kites and chocolate

Flying their first kite. 

One of those childhood musts.

It was so special seeing Ivy run pulling her kite. She got it stuck in many trees, but she loved seeing it fly. Even Ayla had a little moment flying it

This is a moment I want to remember. So it is being written here.

Thank you all for your lovely words and support. We are working on ways to get me to yoga at least once a week.

And now a recipe! Wondering how I could possibly go without coffee? This is how,

SIlk Chocolate milk! You can use any kind of chocolate milk, or regular milk if you add chocolate shavings.

Heat milk in a saucepan with ripped up mint leaves. Heat up until it is steaming and hot.

Grind up hazelnuts. You can use a food processor, blender, coffee grinder of a magic bullet thing to grind them.

I have a frother, so I can make some chocolate foam to top the drink! But this is not a needed step.

Strain mint from chocolate.

Fill cup with hot chocolate. Top with foam and chopped hazelnuts. And there you have it, mint hazelnut hot chocolate. Dairy free! and soo delicious, even the girls gobble it down.

Not so hard to give up coffee when you can wake to this. Sadly I am out of silk today :( Going to try a vanilla almond milk experiment this am!

TODAY:

Two stuffed up littles. I AM NOT SICK! YUPPEE! Project health smoothies are to thank for that. But my littles are a little off. We will be hanging low, with movies and honey water and cuddles galore.                               

in the plans

Happy Easter everyone! Hope you all had a great weekend if you celebrated or not :) 

 

Easter was a celebration for us! For many reasons. The obvious chocolate feast one, the religious significance of this time AND the last weekend of unhealth. 

We are embarking on a change. Again. 

After some research, a friends inspiring visit and more research, documentary watching and blog reading we are now focusing on DIET to make some health changes. 

I am SICK of these tingles, of constantly having a cold, of not feeling HEALTHY! What I have read has lead me to believe what I am putting in my body is part of the cause. 

So we are letting go of some things, DAIRY being the biggest one, the most symptom causing one. Then sugar, meat and for me coffee. Some may call this being vegan, or having a plant based diet. But we are not going to label it, because we are not going to let ourselves be caught up in guilt if we bend the rules. 

I haven't had coffee since Thursday morning. I am doing ok! I have had very little dairy since Friday. We had a big meat feast on Friday night, but since I have only had it twice in small amounts, which is ok to me. We are coming off of these things slowly. 

BUT there are unhealthy vegans, vegetarians and the sort. We are determined to cook better, get closer to our food, understand it. With things like chia seeds, flax, whole grains, grains, nuts, tofu, smoothies, GREEN veggies, natural sweeteners and patience we will have a great diet, a fulfilling energy causing, better feeling diet. I am excited. 

I have created a month of meal plans with this in mind. We are still having one or two meals a week with meat, but the meat won't be the main focus, more a side dish. But we have TONS of exciting recipes to look forward to. 

I am also not big on jumping on a band wagon and throwing out everything of the old life. So we will be using the items in our pantry and when they are gone replacing them with the more natural ingredients. I am planning on stocking up on a few necessary items to make this happen. I am going shopping today and will give you all a sneak peak into the pantry tomorrow! 

This may sound crazy. This may sound drastic. But it has been over a month A MONTH of tingly, weak muscles and constant sickness. This is NOT ok, I am not going to sit here in this any longer, I am taking action. Maybe I needed this to get into gear, to focus on the most important thing, this family's health.

Wish us luck :) 

TODAY: Grocery shopping! I am first hitting the Superstore then Community Natural Foods to fill up on whatever ingredients Superstore does not carry. I am excited. I am doing some baking, some experimenting and some smoothie drinking. YAY project health! 

oh parenting

When something is constantly trying your patience, these aggravating tingles, it doesn't leave much patience left for anything else. 

I have a little mantra, breathe in patience, breathe out love, that I like to say to myself. But not even this is coming to mind in those tense moments. 

Ayla has blossomed into a little toddler. Though she may not toddle, she is not really a baby anymore. She has a fierce amount of personality. And sweetly is always popping by for a head nuzzle (lies her little face on you and smiles). Her stubborn attitude gets to me, her DEMANDS to see what I am cooking, to be independent but held, her insatiable need for everything electronic. BAH this kid can drive me crazy. 

Ivy is tremendous. She hardly ever gives us attitude, she just makes some bad choices every once and a while. She is so polite and sweet. When she is being grumpy or moody it is just because I am not engaging her enough, because my nose is in a book, hands are in the kitchen or my feet are moving a vacuum. But she handles it all well enough. Sharing she could improve on, but I get it, she is really attached to her things. 

Both my girls are wonderful. They keep me busy and bring unimaginable joy to my life. March, and all it has thrown at us, had not been a good parenting month. 

April with its showers and flowers will hopefully bring patience too. I need to focus on getting balanced inside so that patience comes more naturally. I don't know how I am going to do that, be balanced, but I am certainly going to try. Because, THEY are worth it. Even at their spiciest. 

Haha it's months like these I question my hearts desire for more children! 

 

TODAY: Visit to moms house this morning. Then more cleaning! I tackled a lot yesterday, but more needs accomplishing. I also am starting up yoga today, I promise body, some stretching of body and mind! 

those things

I could use this post to once again complain. And although there are things that are far from perfect today, I am not going to focus on them. 

 

Things keeping me going today, a computer full of warm wishes, prayers and get wells. Thank you all. A warm, perfect cup of coffee and a FANTASTIC novel, The Clan of the Cave Bear. I am FINALLY getting around to reading this series as my child's name is the main character, Ayla. It gives me a all new love of her name and explains her spicy, independent spirit! If Ayla had a totem, I bet it would be a Cave Lioness! 

And a treat of strawberries! Excited. 

Spring was soo close and brought such ansy joy to get outside, I sure hope this snow stops falling soon. Reading the Hunger Games and now this new book, they detail foraging for food so much it is making me want to learn to do it myself and get into the garden! NOW!!!

There are many positives of today. Trying to let those things be in my thoughts! Any positives keeping you going? 

TODAY: No plans. A very beloved cousin is having a baby today, so I will be on facebook anxiously awaiting the news! And just being bummy at home again. Gotta heal up!