I started blogging in January of 2008. 6 full years of blogging, almost 5 days every week.
After a year and a half of infertility I craved a community that was experiencing what I was going through and my blog and the infertility blogging community provided that for me. Writing my pain, my struggles the details of my infertility journey provided much healing and therapy that I needed.
After the birth of Ivy, I changed my blog from my infertility blog to this Urban Green Farm blog. Here I have connected with other new mommies, friends and family. I developed a wonderful community of support and love here and continued to find writing healing and therapeutic.
I have a way of writing, what I believe to be authentic, real and raw and many of your wonderful comments have noticed this style in my writing. It has always been important to me, because the journey of motherhood, of being a spouse, of being happy and creative is not easy, it takes work, support and love. I never wanted to put on a front here, something fake or unreal that would give off the appearance that this life is easy, graceful, smooth and never with hassle. Because who has a life like that?! I know the mommy culture can be a brutal one, full of comparison, judgements and fakeness galore. I wanted to communicate the message that the mommy community could be incredible if we put away the masks, the judgements and just were REAL with each other.
I hope I achieved that.
While my open writing style has the benefits I mentioned above, it has its drawbacks too. Keith and I were always comfortable and ok with the drawbacks of a public blog and still are, but I know a lot of people are not ok with this. I know a lot of you are not ok about this because you have told me, in comments, e-mails and in person. While I appreciated all your concerns, we were ok with the shape and format of my blogging.
Until the mountain.
Since encountering this particular mountain, my thoughts about this blog shifted. I couldn't get the thought of this blog off my mind.
I did some research. Well, this is a hard topic to research as it is so personal. But I read everything I could, the pros and cons of blogging the way I do. Some arguments just have no weight I believe and some do. I struggled with this concept for a few weeks now.
I love this space. I need this space. I like how this space works, how I can pour my heart out here, how I can be real here, how I can share here. We knew, eventually this space would need to change. When the kids got older and had thoughts, feelings, frustrations with my writing, I knew I would have to stop or change. And I thought I still had some time before that. None of my kids have complained about my blog, they are still pretty young and have no idea what it is....but I read one thing that tilted the balance beam.
I may be ok with having an open, shared life but one of them when they are older may be very very private and not be ok with any of their life being open.
And that thought, has changed my thoughts, especially with our mountain.
And so comes the decision to end this corner of my life.
I cannot simply stop writing. I can't just cut off a tool that has given me so much healing, therapy, processing and not to mention the HUGE amount of support, prayers, thoughts and love from the community I have created here.
And so begins a new journey.
A safe, protected, secure place to write.
My new blog: My Weave of Culture
It is password protected.
I am very clear on what is going to happen with this, I have no delusions. I will lose half of you, maybe more. Which is sad. Incredibly sad. Because while I know about half of you, family, friends, on-line friends the other half of you I have no idea who you are. You might visit here from facebook, from links on others blogs, from google searches or who knows.
I have been vulnerable with you all for 6 going on 7 years and now I am asking a huge vulnerability on your part. Because this cannot be a real relationship with out some element of trust, and so readers, friends, family, strangers if you wish to continue on this journey with my family (and I hope you do) you will need to e-mail me, E-MAIL ME only, to get the user name and password for this new blog.
I am deeply sorry to see some of you go. I may not know who you are, but you know who I am, who we are. And you cannot have read these words without some caring, some thoughts and prayers sent. Thank you for your support and if I can ask you to have a little trust and vulnerability back then I will see you on the other side.
New Blog address: My Weave of Culture
I will no longer be linking my blog to facebook, so if that's how you find me everyday I apologize. I can suggest a blog list organizer like Feedly.com (they are who I use). I know this will cause a little more work, make things a little less easy, but it will give my kids safety and give me a cozy, secure place to share words, photos and the authenticity that I love and crave.
If you are worried I will think it is weird, or strange or crazy that YOU, whoever you are, read my blog. DO NOT WORRY. I am honoured and touched you take time to visit my space, no matter who you are, where I know you from or don't know you from! I will not bite, promise, trust me, I'm pretty awesome :)
By the end of this week, this blog and my previous blog will also be password protected with the same user name and password used in the new blog.
Thank you Urban Green Farm for your years of words, they are immeasurable.