I have mentioned some changes I have been doing, to better myself, my soul, my view on life. Good things, important things, I always want to be seeking to change myself, to explore something new, to create new meaningful routine.
My routine stuff isn't quite working out these days.
I have found it immensely helpful to wake up a little before the kids to have a hot coffee and some prayer/mediation/soul time. And it was working for almost a month. But it is like Kian could sense me down here awake without him. He used to wake up at 5 and then 6, both times for a quick feed and went back to sleep. Then I would stay awake after 6 and have my time, before he woke at 6:30. NOW he wakes up at 4:30 to eat and then sleeps until 6:30, where he dosen't really want to be awake, but dosen't really want to sleep. I end up taking him to bed with me, he rolls and kicks and fusses and then falls asleep at 7 until 7:30, when the girls have woken up.
Basically alone morning time not happening.
Honestly I was frustrated at first. Things were going well. It was such a nice time I was having. And that extra hour and a bit in bed is not that relaxing since Kian is kicking me the whole time.
But I did not want to give up on this routine and I did not want to start my dat at 4:30! So I make the kids breakfast, I make my coffee and then amongst the chaos I sit at the kitchen table and read my little book and ignore the rest. It isn't as relaxing or even as healing, but it is still happening. And to illuminate this, I think it's good that my kids witness me spending time with my soul, praying, reading, thinking. Because kids are best at copying what they see, and having alone time to reconnect is an important skill I want them to learn.
So not what I planned, but working.
Also the yoga thing in the morning was also not working. Even if I had enough time, after sipping hot coffee and being all cozy and nice in my thoughts, jumping up to the yoga mat, even for a more meditative then power yoga was still too much activity and was not working.
And while I have not gone to the hot yoga studio in a while (for many reasons, mostly to save money) I have found that after putting Kian to bed at night, there is an hour before I start getting the girls ready for bed and in that hour I head to my yoga room downstairs. Crank up the space heater and do some power yoga! It is GREAT. The timing is good, the feeling after is good and it is a powerful way to end a day. It is free, it is using my space that I love and it is creating a daily routine, which I am finding key to success, whether in exercise or spiritual discipline, routine and rhythm make it natural and not forced.
Of course, Kian goes to bed late some nights, or the girls and I are entrenched in a activity or whatever, rules can bend, going with the flow and prioritizing what is more important, another 30mins snuggling while watching a movie with the fam sometimes out weighs the need for yoga.
You get it! With kids you just need to go with the flow, let go of the control and watch the magic happen.
On this particular night I had no patience left. Over the past few months and years I have learned to grow my patience levels for Ayla in unbelievable amounts (I am very proud of this growth in me) but this night the bucket was empty and I had nothing left for this bean. And after many times of telling me to go away and I don't like you and leave me alone, I did just that (I normally lie with her for 15 - 60mins each night to get her to sleep) and she wailed and whined that I actually left and then we found her asleep like this on the stairs!!!
Going with the flow. HAHA.
TODAY: A few errands, laundry, grocery shopping! Ah that might too much to squish into a day, but we will try. Friend over tonight.